Launch

Last week was a bit crazy for me. I unexpectedly had some shots in the PMA expo in Melbourne.  It's a huge trade show that I had never been to before but someone dropped out of the mini gallery they were displaying and I was lucky enough to fill the spot. Then our Wintringham show " A Place for Us" opened on Thursday and I have been on a high ever since.  I can't really describe the feeling of seeing people who are so used to being invisible be celebrated. I think it might be the highlight of my career so far.

On thursday night I wrote an email to my collaborators Phil and Alan trying to thank them for being part of a project that mean so much to me. 

"Today was one of those days that makes me happy to be a photographer.
It's funny, photography is so much about taking isn't it? This whole
project has, for me, been a great way to get to know people but also
let me take some photos I really loved. By having a show like we did
today though, I feel I got to give back a little to the people who've
given me such great shots.

Seeing Joseph beaming, socialising is going to be a lasting image I
have of this project. Also watching both Rudi and Harold looking
petrified at seeing such a big group of people, change into huge
smiles of pride within a few minutes. Lisa getting into a sing-a-long
with Catherine's husband, Dennis warming up and checking out the room,
Mark showing everyone his new drawings, Betty charming the press
photographers, Alex being adored by everyone in the room and of course
our two John's looking like proud peacocks strutting around the room.

Somehow, just by taking photos, I think we really managed to make
everyone feel special today and that's all I ever wanted."

I met John for a coffee today to try and get some help editing my final favorite 6 images down to 3. John is the most receptive person I have ever photographed, he doesn't pose at all but he intuitively knows when the camera comes up to loose himself for that 8th of a second. I want to keep photographing him into the future because lets face it, how many times will you have someone as incredible as him willing to be photographed?.

We had no luck editing down the shots today but hopefully I will have that sorted by next week in time for the opening on May 31st. 

Just Loomis

All images from Just Loomis.com

Last week I found myself in desperate need of inspiration. I have had external issues that have stalled my story with Katie and that left me feeling pretty depressed truth be told. I visited the National Gallery of Victoria which is my go to place when I need to be revived. The gallery has a gift shop ( of course!) and a decent collection of photographic books. The current state of photography means that I usually pick up the same titles from the same master photographers to be inspired. So many of the contemporary artists are creating images that could not be further from my interest, I get more from looking at the same few works over and over.

There was a book on display called "As we are"by a photographer I had never heard of -Just Loomis.

I picked it up, sat down and started flicking through the pages.  When I came up for air and hour had passed. Loomis images are dreamy, beautiful, cinematic and honest. There is a love for the people he photographs that translates into his photographs. One of his series " servers " sees him pointing his camera at the women that bring us our coffee, freezing them for stares we would be too uncomfortable to afford them in real life. He captures a glamour and beauty in his portraits of everyday people that is beyond remarkable. 

Welcome to the future

Well look who joined the 21st century. Yep- I've decided all my fears about having to big a digital footprint were kind of stupid so now I have a page. Feel free to like it and here's hoping I remember to update it!

Dad

Today marks 2 years since I lost my Dad. Because the photos I took of him only really show the last 6 months of his life I thought I'd share one from when he was healthy and a new parent. I find images like this so much easier to look at than the ones I have taken, I guess because this one doesn't have my memories attached to it.

Pat Shore

Last week I headed for an outing with the lovely Social Worker from Wintringham 
(Catherine) who instigated the portrait project I have been working on since last year. She is a beautiful woman who treats every client in her care like family. I headed off for a coffee date with her and on the way back we thought we should stop in to say hi to Pat. 


Pat's images have featured on this blog over the past few months but I have never really given much of a back story to them. I met Pat when I photographed him for the paper I freelance with. My job sheet said something along the lines of " Pat Shore is a 78 year old ex homeless man being housed by Wintringham who has made sculptures from recycled rubbish to give to a local kinder" Even with the clinical wording I instantly I knew this job was right up my alley.


Pat's story was mysterious, the organisation knew he had once been homeless but aside from that no one knew much about his past. I met his social worker, Catherine, who clearly adored Pat and explained to me the paper had been contacted as Pat had started creating sculptures from things he had collected on his daily walks. I did not know what to expect, but soon after Pat walked over to me, slightly stooped, avoiding eye contact and I introduced myself. I then learnt Pat had been creating papier mache sculptures of animals and mythical creatures which he was now donating to a local kinder. I asked Pat about his sculptures, his inspirations and he began to come to life. He straightened up, looked me in the eye and started asking whether or not I had worked for Rupert Murdoch, and what I thought of Tony Abbott.  His dislike for both men cemented my like for him and I spoke with his worker about maybe working on something more in depth than just a single shot for a paper.


From there the project "A Place for Us" came to fruition, with myself, Alan Attwood and Phillip Wright working with some of the wonderful people Wintringham houses.  The work is all set to be exhibited at the Footscray Community Arts Centre from May 31st.


Which brings me back to last week that we walked towards Pat's unit, Catherine excited to tell him about us finally having an official date for the show and, I, with a handful of prints I wanted to give him.  Half way up the path we were stopped and told the sad news that Pat had passed away in his sleep overnight. He was 79 years old.  I cannot escape from the beauty that a man who had spent so many nights sleeping homeless in the cold would pass away in a warm bed, housed by an organisation that really and truly loved him as family. I am honored and humbled to be able to share Pat's images in the show, and glad that a man who was so special can be celebrated.

showing off

Two of my images from my motherhood series are on their way to NSW to be exhibited in the Hearts for Healing group show "Capturing and Creating Realities" opening May 11 at  GALLERY LANE, Leura, Blue Mountains. The show is running in conjunction with the Head on festival.

Speaking of, I am a finalist in the Headon portrait prize this year with my portrait of Luis and Angelique.


This image is my favorite from my 10+ years as a photographer. Three days into the workshop and I had been photographing in the school all day, getting some super hammy shots of Luis playing with his ball. I left at lunchtime to go to my daily appointment with Mary Ellen where she would edit students work. Looking through the contact sheets of images I had taken the day before she told me " look for moments, and to take control". I went back to the school that afternoon with her words ringing in my ears, I told Luis I could play with him but I was here to take photos too and he needed to let me. 
Almost instantly I went from being a play friend to being an observer- he stopped throwing the ball to me and another child grabbed it out of his arms. He stood in one spot, looking so sad that Angelique grabbed the ball back and brought it back to him, stopping to embrace him.


I remember running to the lab in Oaxaca to see if the image had turned out the way I had hoped it has when the shutter opened. It was the first time I had seen a photo I had taken and thought to myself " this can't be, I am not capable of taking a shot like this". Then I showed Mary Ellen and she loved it too, singling it out on the contact sheet.


This image reminds me of the magic of Oaxaca and to always, always, look out for moments. The photo will be exhibited as part of the portrait prize

Katie and Jaylen 23/4/12

It's all gravy baby.

A couple more from my shoots with Katie and Jaylen. I had hoped to spend a full 5 days with them this week but sadly my "real" job saw me flat out an unable to go to the hospital.
When I was photographing Tyler I was working full time, desperately unhappy at my job, and also caring for my Dad. It was so hard to try to juggle everything that when I left full time work I made a vow to never put the things that are most important to me last again.  It's so hard to focus on projects, relationships, friendships, having a house that isn't a tip, spending time with my cat, working to tight deadlines for clients, whilst still saying yes to more work because you are so scared it might all dry up eventually. 
There was a very strong reaction to the photos I put up in the last post, I had people contacting me almost as soon as the post was up to ask me about Katie, about the photos. Amongst them I had a dear friend ask if I was ok being around a family who is dealing with the worst, asking about whether or not I was coping. I guess being around Katie is a constant reminder that all my juggling means so little in the scheme of things, that life is so fragile and you have to fight for what matters to you. Katie is such a special woman and as odd as it sounds, I know we both really enjoy each others company even under the extreme circumstances that lead to it. 

New work

I had a few days straight of shooting Katie this week which was in some ways great and in some ways not so great. Great that I can see her defences coming down the more time we spend together, but not so great as I gain a deeper understanding of just how hard her situation really is. One week ago they thought Jaylen was due to come home, he had made remarkable progress and it seemed his 16 month long stint in hospital was coming to an end. Then his health took a turn and he became so ill he regressed to a point where he went a full week without having food in his stomach in an effort to clear the obstruction ( Jaylen receives all of his nutrition from a drip). Katie again suffered the high of thinking the nightmare was over to have it crash down into reality that home life is still a while away for her.

  He is having surgery next week and I am hoping I can be there to comfort Katie more than anything.

Profoto on Set with Iconic Mary Ellen Mark from Profoto USA on Vimeo.


Incredible short piece that shows a master at work. Also- be sure to look screen left at the 1.33 mark to see a dork photographer inexplicably clicking her fingers.

Prom

Images from Mary Ellen Mark's newest book " Prom"

I was fortunate enough to see some of the prints that come from the Polaroid 20×24 Land Camera  and can attest to how remarkable they are. The detail, tones and size of the print would get any photo nerd salivating.  But Mary Ellen Mark being the photographer she is doesn't rely on the camera's detail alone to stun viewers. As she has so many times in her career she finds poetry in her subjects, the subtle expressions, the way they hold themselves, so that this project becomes so much more than just a celebration of an American rite of passage. It becomes a celebration of that brief moment in time where the world really is full of endless possibility.
Mary Ellen collaborated with renowned film maker  ( and her husband) Martin Bell on this project. The way the two of them work together is completely in sync so his film becomes and natural progression of her images but neither the film nor the photos eclipse one another. I strongly recommend you watch the preview of the film here and be sure to check out the NYtimes slideshow particularly this image of Ashley which I think shows exactly what makes Mary Ellen Mark's photography so legendary.

 all images copyright me 2012

Last week I spent the afternoon with Katie and Jaylen and left feeling like I'd been punched in the guts. The full enormity of what Katie is going through started to become apparent to me as I watched Jaylen change from happy and giggling to needing emergency care in under an hour.

 He is ok now but everyday the roller coaster that he is on continues to twist and turn taking Katie along for the ride. I watched as Katie switched from the girl I have come to know as bright and chatty to a woman whose worry seem to age her beyond her 20 years. 

I watched doctors enter the room and saw genuine worry on their faces as they tried to see what they could do to stem Jaylen's suffering. It was heartbreaking and still not even close to the worst day he has had in his 16 months.

I spent a lot of time in hospital's over the years with my Dad, from emergency to ICU to general wards. Hospitals do not scare me. Likewise I have witnessed with the horrible reality of having a disabled child through my freindship with Tyler and his family.  I have photographed Tyler in hospital, letting him shoot me with his toy pistol as his mother was delivered bad news. The experience was certainly not pleasant but I met Tyler after the risk of cancer had lessened so all I have ever known of him is the remarkable little kid who makes me laugh. But to see a baby in the throws of such horrible pain, to see doctors getting emotional, and to watch his young mother so small and helpless in the corner of a hospital room was petrifying. 

And I was just in for a few hours on a Tuesday, just visiting Katies life for the day. I could leave and go back to my easy little life- she can't. And so she leaves the hospital at midnight with Jaylen stable and hopes that the next morning when she comes in it will be a better day. That is Katie's reality though and exactly why I want to tell people about her story so they will be able to lend support to mothers like her and that maybe she and her family will know just how special they really are.

Pat

I got a big compliment my photos of Pat this week when another gentleman I am photographing, Alex, said that in all his years being Pat's neighbour he had hardly ever seen him standing as tall and confident as he does in these shots. Pat is a deeply intelligent sensitive person who sadly didn't end up leading the sort of life that could truly nurture someone like him, but he has done better than most of us would with the hand life dealt him.


This whole project is coming to completion which will result in an exhibition in the next few months. Images from myself, Phil, and Alan will attempt to do these wonderful people justice. Details will follw as soon as I know them myself.

The Julie Project

all images Darcy Padilla

I came across the Julie Project last year and the images have been firmly planted in my mind ever since. I believe projects like this are why photography was invented- Darcy Padilla uses the tools of film and her camera to invite us into a world we would never have dared enter.


Padilla describes the series:


I first met Julie on February 28, 1993. Julie, 18, stood
in the lobby of the Ambassador Hotel, barefoot, pants
unzipped, and an 8 day-old infant in her arms. She lived
in San Francisco’s SRO district, a neighborhood of soup
kitchens and cheap rooms. Her room was piled with clothes,
overfull ashtrays and trash. She lived with Jack, father
of her first baby Rachael, and who had given her AIDS.
She left him months later to stop using drugs.

Her first memory of her mother is getting drunk with her
at 6 and then being sexually abused by her stepfather.
She ran away at 14 and became drug addict at 15. Living in
alleys, crack dens, and bunked with more dirty old men
than she cared to count.

For the last 18 years I have photographed Julie Baird’s
complex story of multiple homes, AIDS, drug abuse,
abusive relationships, poverty, births, deaths, loss
and reunion. Following Julie from the backstreets of
San Francisco to the backwoods of Alaska.



The images are heartbreaking, beautiful, occasionally hopeful, but ultimately a tender look into a life lost. It's one thing to admire the photography but when consideration is given to the personal cost Padilla must have paid in having a deep friendship with a woman as tragic as Julie, the series becomes a masterpiece. Padilla's love and sadness is palpable in each frame.


View the whole series here

Below is the whole article I wrote to go along with my images in the 400th edition of The Big Issue in Feb this year. I am putting it up on here for anyone who hasn't seen it as yet.

Making Her Own Mark

People say you should never meet your heroes; you’ll only be disappointed. Last year, Morganna Magee learnt this isn’t always true.

I am a professional photographer. I have moonlighted at newspapers, but my real passion is for social documentary photography – a series of photos on the same subject that aim to show a complete story. I relish opportunities to use my camera as a key that unlocks doors into people's lives and to celebrate the smaller stories that are often overlooked.

Sadly, it is also one of those photographic genres that cannot easily become a career. Photographing one story over a long period leads to little financial reward and can be emotionally draining. But when it is done properly, documentary photography is extraordinarily powerful.

ch-ch-changes

Jaylen photographed digitally

The only shot I could salvage from the rolls of film , Katie and Jaylen 2012

This morning is the first time I've really thought about giving film the flick for my documentary work. For the last 3 series I have shot ( my Dad, mothers and Wintringham) I've been shooting with my Rolleiflex, getting big, beautiful negatives that really show what film can do. The use of film has added to the end photos but also to the whole experience for myself and for the people I photograph. Before that I photographed Tyler and my showgirls series with 35mm Neopan 1600. I used it out of necessity as I didn't own a digital camera and the film was so easy to predict.


Now I am shooting for a series which I hope will be my best yet. To shoot it I need to take time away from paid work, my own life and also insert myself into someone else's. This week I have been shooting for this project, using a new ( to me) film , Ilford's Delta 3200. I am shooting in a hospital which is quite dark, and want to shoot 35mm without flash as its more of a photo essay for me than the last few series I have shot. Being in a hospital it is also quite dramatic so I will need to work quickly to get the results I want meaning this is not a job for my rolleiflex. I'm scanning the negs as I type this, hoping that one of the 5 rolls I have shot will have something salvageable. The film pull and Dev combination has blown out the highlights horribly, increased grain and flattened tones. I am sitting here looking at moments in time I will never get back and realising my need to use film has destroyed them.  
Over the past year I have become a much more confident photographer, with the workshop I did in Oaxaca teaching me how to get the results I have always wanted without the angst that had always come with it for me. So to look at a day's worth of work ruined by my choice of film when I could have just used my D3 and been able to focus on taking photos not technical worries, well, it is kind of making me want to punch myself in the head.


The end outcome for this series is most likely publication which means the negatives would be scanned and outputted digitally eventually negating any need for shooting film for the project at all. So I think I have convinced myself- for all 35mm work in which I need high speeds the F801-s has officially been relieved of duties.